I'm new here. Thanks for letting me in...Question for the addicts!
Hello, and thanks for letting me into your circle.
I have a question for the addicts. I hope you can help! My 15 year old son has recently informed me that he smokes pot. He is very honest with me and we talk about everything, and I mean everything. I try to keep an open mind and guide him with a firm but loving hand. The fact that he smokes pot and drinks on occasion is not a surprise to me, given that I too was once a 15-year-old girl and not as honest with my poor single mother regarding my activities. I'm grateful that he confides, and possibly I overindulge hoping that I'm a 'cool mom' (which my boys assure me I am :)
Ok, the problem:
He unfortunately suffers from rather extreme anxiety, and distracting (for him) obsessive compulsive behaviours (the anxiety is definitely inherited from me, who inherited it from my dear gramma). He informs me that he smokes too much pot, even by his young standards. He says that it's the only thing that helps him, as 'I've never had a panic attack while 'stoned or baked', other than one time when the pot was so strong he worried it was laced, and that time he went home to bed, freaked out. A very real problem. He says that he purposely avoids harder drugs and drinking too much, as he fears that it will exacerbate the problem (which is why I never did the hard stuff myself). However, he exhibits addictive personality. This was most apparent during his last visit (my boys live with their dad), I noticed my Gin, Sambuka and Vodka became very low, and I knew I nor my husband had drunk it. I came into the kitchen one evening to find him pouring himself a Vodka. Now, I have let him have the occasional small taste in the hopes that if I don't make it a big deal, neither will he. He confided in me that he had indeed been sneaking alcohol during the week (he had no weed). I didn't freak out. I told him I appreciated his honesty, but I was concerned he was taking it too far. I too sneaked alcohol from my mom, but usually that was on a weekend here and there, when I was being naughty. I'm no saint and don't expect him to be either. I'm a realist after all.
He came to me shortly after I found him sneaking the Vodka and asked me 'Mom, do you think I might be the kind of person to slide down the slippery slope to addiction?' I was stunned! What do I say? I told him that I worry about him and yes, I do think it's a possibility, but I hope that his awareness will make him think before he leaps. He told me he'll always be honest and knows that I'll put him in check if I think he's getting out of hand. Stunned again! Am I to question his every move???
My question to you dear addicts:
Do you think it's possible to stop addiction before it becomes a problem? Have I done the right things in being forthright and allowing him the freedom to smoke pot? I will share with you that I believe myself to be what I call a 'functioning alcoholic'. This means that I drink daily. Not necessarily during the day, unless it's sunny and we're socializing by the pool or some such. But I do self-medicate for my own anxiety and try hard to keep it moderate. However, it took me till my mid-thirties to get here. He's a young boy already concerned!
Is there anything I can do???
Oh, and I'm sure the first thing you'll all think is that we should get him help for his anxiety and whatnot but his doctor only wants him to get therapy, which I know from dealing with it myself is not helpful. Drugs have not been helpful for me, in fact more harmful than anything, so I'm leery to insist on that for him. Haha, he's also expressed to me that he's afraid to take the drugs for fear of it turning him into a numb zombie and fucking with his sex drive (he's still a virgin, but doesn't want to be one day lol). Ativan does work for him, which is a good thing. Ok, I'm rambling, there's so much more to it, but the bottom line is can addiction be stopped before it starts from your experience???
I'm in way over my head with this one. Can anyone help?
Thanks!
~e~
13 comments:
E-
First of all, welcome! You're in a great place. I can't tell you your answers, but I can give you my experience, strength, and hope. First of all, I, personally, am having an amazingly growthful experience in therapy. For me, it took the right match. I tried going to therapy years ago, but the person I was seeing seemed more of a friend/ colleague that I happened to be paying than someone who could help me grow. Unfortunately for me, I just stopped going rather than looking for a better fit. This time, years later, I shopped around until I had a good fit, and I can see my own growth and so can the people around me.
My experience with medications is the same. It's really not an exact science. When someone finds the right fit, it's an amazing thing. With some medications, it takes time to build up in a person's system. With others, you'll know right away if it will work or not. The zombie idea is a common worry (and sometimes a common excuse.) It's never the experience of someone on the right med at the right dose.
As for the slippery slope, if he used that term, he's obviously been researching. Good for him!! What I'm learning about addiction is that a person is or isn't an addict. If the person is an addict, they can't use in moderation. It's part of the disease.
You asked for input, so here's mine. Feel free to take it or leave it. If you can, both of you get yourselves to some live meetings. If he's questioning, he'll get some information in NA and he can hear people's stories. Maybe he'll find some people there that he identifies with. As for you, Naranon is a great place and you might find people there who share your story. Since you describe yourself as a functional Alcoholic, you might think about checking out AA as well. You may or may not find a fit there. If you do, what a powerful example you can end up being for your son. In my own recovery, I attend more than 1 12-step group. It's working for me. One thing they tell you in the rooms is to go at least 6 times before you decide whether the program is right for you.
Whatever you and/or your son decide, I'm glad you're here. Keep asking questions, and keep coming back.
I'm with RD on that one...it seems like you're in a great place, as your son is receptive to your thoughts and wishes for him...
Wow, thanks for your thoughtful input Recovery and JW!
You're right on many levels. My son spends countless hours on the internet researching his various concerns regarding his future, and is I fear, a little hyper concerned at times, which is what I'm hoping will keep him in check. A little much of a worry wart! Perhaps you're right about the meetings. Something to ponder for sure.
He's bound and determined that his only path in life is to be a musician. He plays guitar and drums, writes music and sings. I have this vision of a Kurt Cobain character if we're not careful!
If he has this thing called addiction and it truly is a disease, then he's already started down "the slipper slope" because he has begun to use period. Mixed with his anxiety issues and some other OCD stuff, I, personally would be extremely concerned that I had a little addict in the making. After all, he's already telling you that he is medicating his anxiety with weed. And I wouldn't condone his smoking or allow him to smoke at home, etc. I would really, really discourage it -- but that's just me; one woman's opinion.
If you keep looking you will find a doctor who is willing to medicate him properly for his anxiety. Ativan works, so encourage him to use that not weed.
BTW, I used to have horrible panic attacks -- couldn't go out of the house kind of attacks. I read a book called Don't Panic by R. Reid Wilson, PhD. and the techniques in there absolutely worked and took them away -- nearly within a few days....It's worth a shot for you both.
Have you looked at anxieties.com. There is some good stuff on that site.
Anyway, I feel for you both. I know how debilitating panic and anxiety can be. It's something people don't understand unless they have actually felt it.
I hope ANY of this helps you.
Peace,
Scout
Scout, thank you so much!! Your words touched me deeply, in that you seem to truly truly 'get' it. Anxiety is debilitating and painful at times. I am shocked that a mere book helped you, as I've tried EVERYthing and my gramma ended up on Lithium for the same reason, after suffering agoraphobia for 7 years. Runs in the family! Ok, so you're right about the using part I believe. He'll be back this weekend for the rest of the summer, and I need some tools to talk to him and help him through this very rough hormonal teenage angst anxiety ridden time! I'm going to look for that book, like today, like now, like as soon as I finish typing this! And I guess he'll just have to stay completely dry for the rest of the summer and talk to mama and take Ativan!
Studies show that drug and alcohol use at a young age dramatically increase the likeliehood of developing an addiction.
People who begin drinking before the age of fifteen are at a substantially greater risk of developing an alcohol disorder than those who do not imbibe until they are twenty-one or older, editors from the National Institutes of Health (NIH) argue in the following viewpoint. Moreover, the NIH contends that the overall risk for alcoholism decreases 14 percent with each year of age that drinking is postponed. The NIH, a division of the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, is comprised of eighteen different research institutes including the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and...
That and my personal experiences as a young man are enough for me to say I would have handled it differently. You asked for input, so with the best intentions here is my offering:
There is a difference between accepting "reality" and passively encouraging the behavior of children. I started drinking after my parent's divorce thanks to the enabling behavior of several "cool adults". I do not blame my alcoholism on them, but I it would be ludicrous for me not to realize their role in the progression of my abuse, then addiction.
First off welcome and thanks for posting.
All I can say is that this is how I started using drugs. I started out drinking and smoking pot. My mom even knew what I was doing as well and also like you she was glad that I came to her and let her know what I was doing and with who.
However this only lead to harder drugs, I went on to acid, K, Extasy and then came coke and then came my love for heroin. Thats all she wrote. From then on that was all that mattered. 13 years later I have a book of stories and STILL struggle to stay clean every dam day!
Now will this be the way your son goes, it CAN be, but theres no saying.
Just keep an eye on him, you know when somethings not right and hes changed.
Let us know how things go. Keep posting!
Recovery, you are so right. I grew up in an atmosphere where the occasional glass of wine with dinner was completely acceptable (for crying out loud, in some parts of Europe, as long as you're old enough to sidle up to the bar, you're old enough to drink ~ not that that's right mind you).
I have made the decision to allow no imbibing or smoking while he is with me for the next 2 weeks. I just feel in my gut that he is the type that could get out of hand fast. I really really appreciate your input, thank you!
In my opinion anyone who is using drugs and alcohol to self medicate is on their way to addiction.
It is where I started...it is probably where most addicts and alcoholics started off.
I think that the best thing for the both of you would be to find some other way of dealing with his anxiety.
You have to think of it like, if he was in some sort of physical pain you probably wouldn't allow him to cover up his pain with drugs and alcohol, you would keep bringing him to doctors until you found one that could treat his problem correctly.
Skillz and erinsav, I missed your comments yesterday. Thank you so much for your thoughts! Skillz, that's what I'm worried about...no matter how much we talk and keep the communication lines open, he's going to do what he's going to do. I guess I can only be there for him at all times. erinsav, I agree wholeheartedly! It's a little harder for me to get him to the doctor he lives with his dad in a different town, and I only have him half/time. However, I will continue to the search for something that helps which is not a cover up!
I haven't had a chance to share my experience. I see so much similarity between your son, and myself at 15. I too suffered from acute anxiety, it's something I suffer from still.
I started out sneaking alcohol from my parents at the age of about 12. I drank alone, in my room, and it helped me to relax. By about 16 I started smoking weed, and taking LSD.
I had been to counseling regarding my anxiety, by 20 years ago, they didn't have the drugs they have now, so it was more about "looking" for the cause of my anxiety (social issues), which in light of things now, was a waste of time. I believe my anxiety is due to a chemical imbalance in my brain.
I had no concept of addiction, but looking back now, I see that I had a very addictive personality. I wish I had the self knowledge and awareness that your son shows now. But I have learned the hard way that self knowledge and awareness aren't enough when it comes to addiction.
It was easy for me to try new drugs in an attempt to self medicate my issues away. (Everything from my anxiety, to feeling like I was always on the outside looking in)
Having controlled my lsd, pot, and mushroom drug use, I naturally had no problem taking that next step into testing anything that was offered. When heroin was offered, I had found what I was looking for. It was an instant love affair.
I don't know what the solution is for your son, the fact you have open communication is good, but I fear it's not enough. I would hate for your son to experience what I have experienced.
You have the opportunity to save your son at such an early age; to stop the potential of addiction to any drug. I would seize the opportunity because even if you do nothing, and find out years later that you were right, he's going to be okay, is not worth the heartache that will be caused if you find out years down the road that he is addicted to one drug or another, and knowing you had a chance to help change that early on.
No problem anytime. I am always willing to give my adive or share my experiance with people if it is going to help someone in someway.
Again this is how i was at his age, i smoked pot and drank but it only lead me to "bigger & better" drugs. I was smoking soo much pot that i wasnt even getting high hardly if at all.
I then went on to acid and extasy and coke. of course when i was doing this i tried my hardest to hide it from my mother.
Then came heroin and thats all she wrote really. I began doing it as a weekend "thing" and before i knew i had a habit and now needed it even when i didnt want to do it!
I really hope that this doesnt happen to your son because the things that i have done either while on drugs or for my drugs was just not a ood time in mylife. i STILL struggle to stay clean and this is a EVERYDAY battle!
I wanted to thank all of you who came over to my blog to try and help me out with suggestions and support about dealing with my addicted daughter.
My blog is mothertoanaddict...just in case you are wondering what I'm talking about....lol.
Thanks again,
Genia
Post a Comment