Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Enjoy the Silence

It has been a really long week but luckily for us, it has ended better than I could have ever imagined. Last Monday evening, Jim was viciously attacked by three strangers and stabbed multiple times. There were three major injuries: a punctured lung, a punctured liver and a deep stab wound in his neck although in total there were something like 45 stab wounds found on his upper body. Obviously, he was amazingly lucky. The following stories all appeared in our local paper. It was such an awful thing to have to witness. I have never seen such animal behaviour.

If you are interested, you can also check out a video report from our local news.

London police have charged three men in connection with the stabbing of a man at a Wonderland Road South apartment building, Monday (May 12).

The victim, a 41-year-old male, remains in a London hospital in critical but stable condition.

The ongoing police investigation has revealed the three suspects assaulted the victim when he went to Unit 608 to speak to the occupants about loud noise coming from the apartment, police said.

Tenants in the building have said the unit was a common source of noise and has been the object of complaints on several occasions. Reports have also suggested that the victim is one of two landlords, employees of InterRent Properties, who responded to the unit following complaints from neighbours.

Police said none of the suspects charged resided in the building.

Detectives from the London police Major Crime Section continue to investigate the stabbing.

Patrick Ferrera, 23, Leonardo Ferrera, 22, and Marol Angou, 20, all of London, have been charged with aggravated assault.

Three arrests in stabbing
Tue, May 13, 2008

Three persons have been arrested in relation to a stabbing at 951 Wonderland Rd., London city police said today.

A 41-year-old man was taken to hospital yesterday with life-threatening injuries by ambulance after police responded to a call at the apartment building near the Westmount mall at about 5:45 p.m.

No names have been released yet, but the major crime unit of London Police Services is questioning suspects today and continuing their investigation.

Man, 41, in hospital with life-threatening injuries
Tue, May 13, 2008

41-year-old man was taken to hospital with life-threatening injuries after an apparent stabbing in London's southwest end late yesterday.

The victim, whose name wasn't released, was taken by ambulance to London Health Science Centre's Victoria Hospital, paramedics said.

Three people were arrested, police said in a brief news release. No names were released, and there was no indication charges had been laid.

The incident took place at 951 Wonderland Rd. South, near the Westmount Shopping Centre, around 5:30 p.m. The area is home to many high-rise apartment buildings. One caller to The Free Press had earlier reported a large number of emergency vehicles, including police cars, gathered at the scene.

It's uncertain whether the injured man lived at the address where police found him."The investigation is unfolding rapidly," London police Staff Sgt. Tom Gaffney said last night.

It's Over


A man wielding a crowbar had police in Upper Bucks jumping early Monday morning.Joseph Raffensperger, 27, of Milford, was arrested around 4 a.m. for attempting to rob one convenience store and taking $165 from another, said Sgt. Edward C. Murphy of the state police barracks in Dublin.Quakertown police were called to the 7-Eleven on South West End Boulevard or Route 309 at about 3:40 a.m. where Raffensperger entered the store and brandished a crowbar. The clerk fended him off with a broomstick.“I feel bad for the clerk; it’s the second or third time he’s been held up,” said Murphy.After leaving the 7-Eleven, Raffensperger headed south on Route 309 in a red minivan, stopping at the Wawa at Tollgate Road and Route 309 in Richland. He again went in with the crowbar, this time getting $165 from the store, police said.While state police were responding first to assist Quakertown, then to Richland, where state police provide overnight protection, Perkasie police heard a description of the vehicle and spotted the red minivan and followed it.Raffensperger didn’t stop immediately when Perkasie police tried to pull him over. He lost control of the minivan on Main Street in Sellersville and when he tried to stop, he hit a shrub, jumped out of the minivan and started to run away, Murphy said.After a short chase, Perkasie police captured Raffensperger and turned him over to state police. Pennridge Regional police also assisted at the scene, Murphy said.Raffensperger was charged with several counts of robbery, simple assault, possessing instruments of crime, fleeing or attempting to elude a police officer and driving under suspension.He was arraigned at Quakertown district court before District Judge C. Robert Roth and taken to Bucks County Prison when he failed to post 10 percent of $250,000 bail.

I tried, I failed---at it all.

Monday, May 19, 2008

Shame in the World of Sex Addiction

What does one do with the shame?

Perhaps you left your sex addict. Perhaps you stayed. Perhaps you left and then returned for reasons that are only known to you. Perhaps you don't know what to do. Perhaps you are a sex addict. Or a co-addict. Love addict. Romance addict. Relationship addict. Perhaps it's all of these. Perhaps it's none. Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps...

Perhaps you are me.

At the end of the day when I am laying my tired body down to rest, my mind begins to wage war. The images scorch before my mind's eye, searching for a place to make their home.

I no longer want this body to be home to the memories. And so, the endless riddle is, what does one do with the shame?

When it began to dawn on me that my partner had a sexual addiction, I did nothing. I believed that if I loved him through it, showed him my unconditional love, that somehow he would be healed. And in doing so, I nearly destroyed myself. And honestly, when I say I did nothing, that is not true.

I enabled him.

I became a willing participant. I owned his shame. I owned his disease. And for a while, I believe I became his disease.

In my journey towards recovery, I have had to face the very real fact that I absolutely cannot change the past. I am a natural born control freak, so this has been challenging for me to accept. Shame revisits me often. I greet it like an old friend, cry with it, scream with it, and sleep with it. It visits me in my dreams, in shadows of pain, in twisted memories. Always exaggerating the evil it thinks it is.

And yet, in moments of clarity, I have come to realize that shame is nothing but love at the other end of the spectrum. I am propelled towards love and forgiveness with shame licking at my heels. I cannot seem to run fast enough. The awakening for me has been in the realization of this concept: anything that brings us back to love, is simply love in disguise. And so now, I tell my old friend that it is no longer needed, it has already done what it was supposed to do.

Shame has inspired within my soul a longing, a search for perfect love and complete forgiveness, acceptance, and redemption, and, yes, a soul mate, beautiful sunsets, full moons, magical beginnings, and happily ever-afters.

And I am finding that this road is leading back to Me.