Friday, November 2, 2007

Staying In The Moment

It's really important for myself to be able to stay in the moment. I have found that by avoiding things like dwelling on past mistakes or worrying about the future I am usually able to get done what needs to get done when it needs to get done.

Within the past couple of days I keep finding myself not staying in the moment. I'll catch myself thinking about past situations that didn't go the way I wanted or things that I feel guilt about.

This usually starts a vicious cycle of me feeling bad about myself, avoiding doing something that I'm supposed to out of lack of confidence, and then dreading what the future will now hold because of my lack of action.

I guess this type of thought process fits right into an addictive thinking pattern but what makes that pattern pop up here and there? I can be going along great, focusing on what I should be focusing on and then...boom. I'm back in a destructive pattern again.

The only good thing I am finding is that I can spot this sort of trend pretty early on and then do everything I can to stop doing it. I guess this means that I'm allowing myself to be more self-aware and by doing so I am able to stop destructive patterns before they get way out of hand.

I'm just curious if this is something that others in addiction recovery have found about themselves? Do you catch yourself falling back into your old way of thinking? Could this be me catching myself at the beginning of what could ultimately turn out to be a relapse?

Monday, October 29, 2007

Having Fun

I am really fortunate in that this year has been great for me. I entered into rehab on January 26th and here it is October 29th and I feel that I'm doing really well.

So well in fact that I've noticed myself doing something that I never would have thought possible last year at this time...having fun without drugs.

Saturday night I went to a Halloween costume party. I dressed up as Miss Piggy...pretty awesome costume in my opinion. You can give me your opinion as I posted a picture of myself in costume on my site. Check out my Miss Piggy get up.

Last year at this time I was becoming very hopeless in life. I had begun to believe that I got myself into a situation that there was no getting out of. I used to sit and hope that a tree would fall on my house crushing me in my bed or that I would get a horrible terminal disease.

I didn't realize that all I needed to do was ask for help. I'm glad I finally figured that out. Now I'm hopeful in life again. I enjoy the small stuff in life that puts a smile on my face. Sadly it was the small stuff that I was missing out on when I was actively addicted because I was almost oblivious to anything other than wanting and needing drugs.

So it is with great pleasure that I dressed up this year for Halloween. I'm having fun again, I don't know how I lived without it in the past.