"I'm broke this is my dollar"
I need some advice to give "F" when he talks about how he has nothing.. He has no money, no phone and recently cant find his drivers license. He complains about this offten and about how its hard to make the phone calls he needs to make cuz he has no phone cuz he has no money and he has no money cuz he has no job. I tell him he just has to get a job even is he has to walk there and back, save every penny and soon enough he will have money to buy the things he needs to get other things he needs. but like to make doctors appts. how is he supposed to do this w/ no phone?..the only reason he has a roof over his head is cuz he is on welfare and they give him the foodstamp card tobuy food. other then that he has nothing... i dont no wut to tell him anymore.. i was helping him with these things.. but he kept lying to me and using.. so im not gunna continue to enable him.. or help him when he isnt even helping himself and he was still using.. i will help him when he is STAYING clean..
i guess im looking for .."what did you do in situations like this.. where you had nothing"
12 comments:
A very wise man told me something recently, and I have repeated it to myself about a million times..."Only loan what you can afford to give." It's a good rule in general, but especially when you are dealing wth addicts.
With my husband, I've had to figure out the things that make me resent him, and make boundaries. The car makes me crazy, so he can't have the car anymore while I'm at work. I don't give him cash, ever, for anything. Never. Not ever. Not a penny. I don't lie for him. Sometimes that one is hard, as he's a big ole liar, but I am just learning to say, "You need to talk to him about that."
So that's my two cents. I'm giving it, not loaning it.
Here is a point of view from an addict --ok?
I knew how to get money. In fact, I was sort of an expert at it. My girlfriend never, ever gave me any cash WHATSOEVER. I had a great job and had my checks deposited into her account and I had no access to it.
STILL, I could find money.
He can find money and a phone. Believe me, if he knows how to cop dope, he's resourceful enough to find money and a phone to use.
If he has a roof and food, then I would let him find the rest on his own.
Just one recovering addicts opinion though. Keep that in mind, k?
Peace,
Scout
JW's very rich in experience and can afford to give such good advice because she has gone down this road before you. I have followed her plight since February and not only does she have good advice, she gives it by her own example—the only way to give advice that is true. In this way she is my idol.
Man... JAA's right on about the ingeniousness of us addicts. If I applied that skill to score shit I had as an addict to ANY other endeavor, I would never want for anything. Never. (in fact I am trying to learn that now)
scout- Your completly right..
G-d -- I've never been completely right in my entire lifetime, so be careful. Check it out with someone else! ;-)
WS--me, too, man.
me, too.
Peace,
Scout
I used people just like you to get whatever I needed. If you didn't put out, I left and made you feel guilty. If you felt guilty enough to give more, I came back like a bad penny.
Sad but true.
Sometimes, though, I think that I keep giving because I want my bad penny to keep turning up. I don't want him going off and finding some other woman who'll give.
That's just tonight, when I don't feel good.
Though.
Without TJW- I would be all bad. She is hope where I am despair. I play the odds, she plays the heart. I am right more often than not when it comes to addictive behavior, but people like TJW are the reason why I am still alive.
She doesn't give up, and I had people that never did for me either. I wouldn't have made it otherwise. So take what I say with a grain of salt, but be rest assured I tell no lies.
JW - lol, nice try.
I agree with Scout, when properly motivated, a junkie can come up with enough money to do just about anything. It's the motivation that's lacking. But like JW said, you really have to set your boundaries and stick to them. Geez, the women on here are pretty damn smart.
It might even take some tough love, the kind that has you setting boundaries where you choose not to be with him at all until he has cleaned up his act. That's a tough one to look at, but in the end, may be the best thing for you both. After all if it was meant to be, it was meant to be.
Even when I didnt have a roof over my head and foodstamps I got money to cop. I got money to eat. If I couldnt get money to eat then I would go to a place where they would be giving out free food.
Hes an addict and it seems like hes a lazy one.
Every and any addict i know went out and made money however they had to.
some stole, some sold drugs, some sold there ass, but they still got money!
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