Thank you

Thank you all so much for your support. I'm in a situation were i dont live with him.. so "ignoring" him while he does him would mean..dont go there.. dont see him.. but then if i tell him that it results in arguments.. and he needs rides to..important places like tonight he starts this counseling thing and i agreed to drive him.. if i dont. how will he get there? i know dont worry about him and how he is getting were he needs to go but i cant help it. its my nature to want to help someone. help someone?... havent i helped him enough... thats the problem its time he helps him self.. i no that.. i just cant see my self not helping him get there. ughhh this is horrible why me.. why did i have to get involved with this SHIT my life was JUST looking brighter b4 i met him... i had lost weight i had a bunch of new friends.. i was doing things.. i was happy.. and then i met him.. became even happier.than it all went down hill i started gaining weight again.. losing those new friends. and now im F'ing miserable..I tried doing me... i joined the gym. have i been going NOPE ..why? cuz i got in a fight with my friend (over this shit and him) and i havent been able to go by my self.. i have such a problem with that word.. by myself im scared to be alone..its pathetic..and its all b/c of my lack in self confidence...He brings me down so much its not even funny.. but then he also brings me up too.. i F'ing love him to death.... i just want this to work so bad!!

Tuesday something bad happened.. he didnt use his best judgment.. i didnt either for the matter to make a long story short he left his wallet at his bosses house ..we went there to get it, boss wasnt home.. i was up his ass to get the wallet.... he went in the house to look for it... daughter was there.. she freaked out..called her father.. he screamed "get the F outta my house b4 i call the cops" now he lost that job (didnt even get his wallet..apparently they looked for it n it was no where to be found) so now its this hole big thing.. he is ashamed..embarassed..u name it.. this guy..his boss. is friends with F's sponsor so of course they talked about it..everyone is mad at F now.. i feel bad cuz i pressured him into getting it.. so last night i went straight to F after work..we went to his moms for a few and then he just wanted to go back to the room to lay down.. so i drooped him off n went home. i was sooooo worried about him... i asked him if he was thinking of using and he said yes. but that he wasnt going to.. i am most scared he is going to kill himself one way or another...

when i walked into work this AM the phone was ringing it was him from the pay phone at the motel... there was a huuuuuuuge sigh of relief on my end when i heard his precious voice...