Wednesday, August 8, 2007

Somethings gatta give


I don't get my self.. why am i still with someone who i cant trust in the least bit. I question EVEYTHING he says yet im still with him.. even when i find out things that he as lied about. and confront him with it, he just makes up more lies, and i buy into them sometimes... am i a fool? Why cant i leave him?... i just wait until something big happens so i have a real good reason ( i seem to be forgetting that he stole from me ..like that wasnt a good enough reason) to leave him..but then when that time comes.. do i leave... noooooo there is something holding me there. like that knot in your shoe lace that you just cant get out no matter how hard you try but u keep wearing them....you keep squishing your feet into them until one day they just break....havent i felt enough pain? What makes me think i will be able to "get" him when i cant even "get" my self.. I dont no what to do anymore.. sometimes it just makes me feel better to ignore all the crappy stuff and go on living my life how i want it to be... its like i pretend things are ok. and keep telling my self its fine.. i just push all the shit that has happend into a place far away so i dont have to look at it or think of it...


... help me untie this knot before i break..

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Talk to The Junky's Wife. She's your experience in this realm.
And there are many others who can certainly relate to you -- Mantramine, Married to An Addict, Married to My Ex, etc.
Reach out to them in email.
And keep writing.
We are all with you in spirit.
Peace,
Scout

A.N. said...

Thank you, just another addict. But yes, we are all here for you in whatever way we can be. We will support you and give you our advice. Feel free to email me, my email address is on my home page. I can only tell you how I went through similar experiences but hopefully that will help. You will get through this.

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry Alyssa, I wish there was an answer. Let the women here support you, learn from their experience, hopefully that will give you a different perspective.

Wayward Son said...

Al Anon. Al Anon. Al Anon. Try it. the worst thing that would happen is that you waste an hour of your time. The best thing that could happen is that you won't waste your precious, beautiful life.

WS