In-Between

One of the many things I'm coming to realize that we codies and junkies have in common is the way we beat up on ourselves. I think that's the most powerful thing I'm getting about being here in cyber-recovery world, the ability to focus on our sameness rather than our differences.

Anyway, lately, I've really struggled with being in-between, as Melodie Beattie refers to it in 'The Language of Letting Go." Here's part of her daily meditation for August 2nd,

"Sometimes, to get from where we are to where we are going, we have to be willing to be in-between....

Being in-between isn't fun, but it's necessary. It will not last forever. It may feel like we're standing still, but we're not. We're standing at the in-between place. It's how we get from here to there. It's not the destination.

We are moving forward, even when we're in-between.

Today I will accept where I am as the ideal place for me to be. If I am in-between, I will strive for the faith that this place is not without purpose, that it is moving me toward something good."

There's a word for this phase that I learned in college Sociology. It's the liminal phase, when people are "betwixt and between" and when people go through it together, there's usually a sense of communitas, where social barriers are broken down during that period of time.

Hmm, so here we are, junkies and codies, people from all walks of life who probably wouldn't have the opportunity to know each other in the outside world because of cultural restrictions, journeying in this "betwixt and between" space together. Oh yeah, there's usually alot of ritual involved. Serenity prayer, anyone?

Oh, but look how quickly I go to my head and get away from my gut. I started this post to share how many ways I'm feeling like this summer has been such a liminal, in-between time for me and how uncomfortable that can be for me. I'm in between jobs. I spent most of the summer in between showing up for OA meetings and identifying myself as a compulsive overeater. I also spent most of the summer in between starting and finishing my fourth step.

You know what else? I've already shared something from this passage with two different authors in this space as a way of telling them to give themselves a break when they're in-between. But it's so much harder to tell myself.

So, me, give me a break! In-between is exactly where I've needed to be this summer. I give me permission to feel all of my feelings in this in-between space, knowing that I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be. And I'm so grateful to have friends, both cyber and real, who are sharing this journey with me.

Thanks for letting me share.