What are you guys so mad about?

The husband and I had a glorious, glorious blowout last night. It was fantastic. The rage that he manifested reminded me of the rage those zombies had in 28 Days Later.

I can't understand it, and he can't explain it. I think that a part of what was going on is a general male-female problem. When men get upset, often the go-to emotion is anger, where when women get upset, the go-to emotion is sadness. So he screams, and I cry.

What I don't understand, though, is the deep anger coming from his direction towards me, specifically. I know that a lot of it is coming from guilt, but what made him so mad was that I'd asked him to try to be patient with me. I'd been explaining the stuff I'd posted about patience, where I thought I was being a paragon of understanding, compassion, empathy, and all those things, and I thought that I was asking him to give back to me the same things I was offering him. Instead, all he heard was ATTACK ATTACK ATTACK. All he understood from my request that he be patient with me while I work through my pain was that he was causing me pain, that he can't do anything right, that he's a fuckup in the first degree.

He punched a wall. It pissed me off, and scared me. I left. He called, threatening suicide if I didn't come back. It was absurd.

This whole thing started because he asked me to let him have $5 to take to work so that he could buy lunch. Instead of giving him cash, I offered to pack a lunch for him. We had food in the house, and I wanted to keep the $5 for myself. I am not afraid that he was going to use the $5 to get high. I just wanted the money for myself, and I didn't want to feel that twinge of resentment that I feel when I give him things or buy him things.

He freaked because he wants to be normal. He freaked because he doesn't think we'll ever be normal again. He said these things...he said that he knows that I can't give him $5 because he's not normal and he's fucked me over and he's made it bad, but that he can't live feeling like a fuckup and he's sorry. These are the right things to say...however, he says them while screaming at me, punching holes in my precious walls, throwing things.

So tell me, my addict electronic friends. What are you guys so mad about? And in particular, what are you so mad at the people who have loved you when you were so singularly unloveable and supported you when you were being insufferable?