My take on addiction as a disease.
Please forgive me for blowing off all the posts about whether or not addiction is a disease and then dropping my own...I have my own arrangement in my head about this, and I find it to be unhelpful to battle it out now that I"ve gotten my position settled. So here's my thing:
In life, you get to choose which narrative you want to explain what's happening to you. I can choose to think, "My husband is a criminal, a liar, a son of a bitch, a damn fool, a sociopath with no redeeming qualities." These thoughts would then lead to, "What the fuck is wrong with me? Why don't I drop this sorry son of a bitch on his ass and move on? When will I ever learn my lesson? Why am I so broken? Fuck?" and et cetera.
Or, I can work with the idea that addiction is a disease. It might only be a metaphor, but it sure is a powerful one. It transforms those thoughts about my husband into, "He is very, very sick," and my thoughts about myself into, "I am strong for supporting my sick husband."
There is a danger, though, in that line of thinking in that I might start to feel like I should give him things that I don't want to give or accept behavior that I don't want to accept. I have to be vigilant against that tendency to "help."
But in the end, if I'm just going to stay with this man anyway, and I am, at least for now, it's the only way to justify our lives and our behaviors.
So that's my story, and I'm sticking to it.
4 comments:
I think if you believe in the disease aspect, and as stated, I do, that your approach is both realistic and and compassionate; to deal with it from the aspect of being with someone who is sick.
But with the disease aspect, you have to remember that there is room for recovery or at the very least remission. That is so important to remember, it is what gives hope to carry on. Yes, I am sick, but I know that I can and will get better and just like every disease, or illness, the rate of recovery is different for every person.
I also don't subscribe to the theory that we are good people who make bad choices. (this is a personal view) For me this is simply not true in active addiction. In active addiction, the truth is that I was a fucked up person making really fucked up choices.
Once the drugs are removed, I am still the same fucked up person, maybe I am making better decisions, but I need to do something to recover from my illness, which remains even after the drugs are gone. I need to become the person I know I can be, but if nothing changes, then nothing changes.
I don't think there is any need to justify my behaviors, or my life. It comes down to a simple fact, that I am a sick person who is trying to get better. To try to justify my illness, makes me feel like there is some guilt or shame associated to having the disease, which should never be the case. (I don't think that's what you meant though JW)
From near as I can tell, the best byproduct of thinking of addiction as a disease is how that construct fuels the quest for a cure. It is a quest that will benefit all kinds of ills we humans have, the least (or most) being the ability cure the human condition of unhappiness. Now that's a disease if ever there was one.
I think making the thesis and sticking to it is the hot tuna action plan. The lessons that have stuck over the years, for me, are the ones where I have been made accountable for my behavior.
I agree with ej. Being active in my addiction, I was not a good person, I was fucked up--big time. Now, I am a bit better, getting better everyday. My recovery gives me hope for a great today!
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