Differences
Mantra and JW have me thinking about differences between Junkies and Codies. Mantra described it poignantly as her willingness to jump in front of a moving train over and over and his unwillingness to put himself out there to risk feeling any pain. I know that my partner (and many addicts who share their stories here) talked about using as a way of avoiding feelings. I also know that I use my partner by focusing on her feelings as a way of avoiding my own. Ultimately, it doesn't work for either of us, though.
Recently, I noticed just before a live meeting that one of my partner's friends was hugging and being hugged by many of my naranon friends. It interested me, and I pointed it out to my partner. Her response took me aback. She said, that of course her friend had relationships with many of my naranon friends. She continued, "she's a user, and you all are willing to be used." It really bothered me, but in the way that something that I don't like but rings true tends to really bother me. It points out this symbiotic relationship that's not very flattering for any of us.
Yuck!
1 comment:
It took me a LONG TIME to agree to that codependent label, and only when I realized that it meant dependent-with...I don't know why the etymology changed my understanding of the word.
But yeah...it's a yucky place to see yourself sometimes. Although, I did kind of disagree with Mantra's thing about the train, as I've seen my husband throw himself in front of trains again and again...the heroin train, the Stray train, the pick-my-face-until-I-look-like-a-beast train...he just doesn't throw himself in front of the train again and again for me...
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