Tuesday, January 8, 2008

My limited understanding...

I am struggling with my daughter's addiction to heroin, and I am past trying to understand why she started using in the first place... The big question now is why can't she stop? Why won't she go to rehab? Why does she insist on trying to do it herself, go through a painful withdrawal, only to start using again...

I'm a smoker, and I have been "planning" to quit for quite a while now - I started smoking when I was 12 years old, to be "cool." I've quit before, but never more than a few weeks, and each time I started up again, it was harder to quit. My identical twin sister had half of a lung removed last January - lung cancer - even though she had not smoked for 6 months. That really hit home for me... And still, I smoke.

I know all of the reasons for quitting, and I actually believe that I CAN quit, now. I have a nicitrol inhaler, I have nicorette gum, I have an Rx for Chantix... I want to live to a ripe old age without being unable to breathe. So, my main hold up is... I really like to smoke.

I'm wondering if my addiction to nicotine is similar to my daughter's addiction to heroin in this small way? I have all of the tools, support and medical understanding - to kick NICOTINE... But. But. But, it's not really that easy - even with a different method of receiving the drug, it's the habit that's hard to quit, else it would be as easy as slapping a patch on my arm and going on my merry way.

I'm nervous about quitting smoking - I keep putting it off - It's a big part of who I am. It's a comfort. She's nervous about quitting heroin, maybe, for the same reasons? How do I reach her?

I really need to quit smoking - set a date and DO IT. That won't impress her, but I will gain so much more in quitting than the isolating comfort I get from smoking my cigarettes. Wish me luck.

4 comments:

Unknown said...

I also REALLY liked smoking. Then, I found myself getting to hangout bedside with my Dad as he fought the battle with esophageal cancer---smoking up until he could no longer hold the cigarettes with his fingers....then i realised that I did not want my kids to have to go through that. I had already gotten on a script for Wellbutrin---aka Zyban---for depression, and I knew it just "happened" to be for not smoking, too. So, I put them down, again, and this time I haven't had to smoke another ciggie for over 8 years. ODAT.

ANd, I read a report that said that heroin is not as difficult overall to quit as nicotine. But I guarantee the pills made a huge difference.
blessings
abbie

erinsav said...

The comparisons that you have made between your addiction to smoking and your daughter's addiction to heroin were really on the mark.

Just like you have found, even though there will be help and support and what looks like a way out of the addiction...the readiness is not there.

I don't pretend to know why addicts need to hit a bottom in their addiction before they want to get help but I have come to accept it as truth.

My personal rock bottom didn't include losing my family, losing my son, winding up in jail. It was the threat of those things that finally got me thinking a little more clearly. Hopefully your daughter's bottom is that deep either.

Athena said...

Well, I woke up this morning and instead of lighting up, I chewed the nic gum and took a shower... I decided to wait at least an hour before smoking. When I did have a smoke,it made me feel a bit sick... So, the "quitting" has begun...

I do remember wellbutrin years ago - it really did seem to reduce the craving...

And Erin - you are an inspiration to me, do you know that?

erinsav said...

I didn't know that but I'm very touched that you would feel that way.

It's actually shocking to me as I'm usually the one finding inspiration in others. Thank you for that.