Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Advice for a "Captive" reader, et al

A daughter's pregnancy should be something joyous ... but due to daughter's history, use and or support of a heroin addicted "boyfriend", it is such a serious concern to me right now... especially since SHE doesn't seem to be taking it seriously at all. A BABY. Due in July.

I started this blog post on April 8 - My daughter was in jail again, 6 months pregnant, for possession of heroin... another stomach punch out of the blue when just the night before everything had seemed so good with her. Anyway, I had meant to ask for recommendations for books to send to her, anything that might get through to her while she was in jail - She's a reader...

Alas, she is also an addict, still, apparently - stories vary from her - she was holding for her "boyfriend" when she got arrested, or they were selling heroin but not using it, or she had heroin so she "wouldn't be in pain"... It's hard to fathom that she really thought that any of these were valid justifications.

It's sad to be a parent whose primary emotion, when learning that pregnant daughter is in jail, is joy... because for that moment I am sure she is not only safe, but that everyone who cares about her feels the same and won't bond her out. It's also sad to be so naive - The "boyfriend's" parents bonded her out a week ago :-(

I had written and gone to visit her, and made it clear I would not bond her out, that I love her and once she was released I would get her to rehab and have a place for her and the baby - That's what she said she wanted - she had said his parents were raising money to bond her out - I told her that if that happened, it was important for her to COME HOME and if she did my offer still stood. She agreed and said she loved me to and wanted to do the right thing for her baby.

Of course, she didn't come home. I am very worried about her lack of comprehension of the seriousness of EVERYTHING.

Gee - Sorry - back to the origins of this post... I would still like reading suggestions, but more importantly, I have one: "Beautiful Boy" by David Sheff... It is written by a parent of an addict, and is raw in it's honesty of what it is to love an addicted child - I would recommend it to anyone who loves an addict, and to addicts themselves.


pat said...

Sorry you are in so much pain Athena. I cannot imagine the pain you feel over your daughter and that precious little baby. I hope she is getting the proper prenatal care because right now, whether she is using or not, that is important to the health & welfare of that baby. A baby born to an addicted mother is also addicted and will need to withdraw under the supervision of medical staff. Sending my support and hugs to you.

erinsav said...

I'm sorry to hear this. What a roller coaster you have been on with this situation.

There aren't really any words that will make you feel better but just know that people are reading, empathizing, and wishing you and your daughter the best.

Athena said...

Thank you, both... the empathy means a lot - being able to share honestly in a community that understands - elsewhere it is hard to talk about.

I guess I am feeling pain to a certain degree, but right now it manifests as frustration, anger, incredulousness... and the biggest thing is accepting how little control I have over the situation. Other than that, *I'm* doing ok - LOL


Mantramine said...

I recommend The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle (or his newer one A New Earth). He's had a lot of air play but don't disregard because he's 'the flavor of the month.' Your daughter is probably not totaly prepared for this stuff, but it will stick.

BizyLizy said...

My heart and my support is with you.

The only book I've ever read regarding drug addiction, was Danielle Steel's "His Bright Light: The Story of Nick Traina."

Steel's son was addicted to heroin, and eventually committed suicide. It's a sad story, but documents Steel's struggle to save her son.

My only criticism of the book, was that I became so very frustrated with Nick's parents, particularly Steel herself. It seems as though there was alot of denial going on.

However, I also understand that the nature of addiction often reaches out to others in dysfunctional ways. We are each only human, after all.

It was difficult for me to read...having a son myself.