Friday, March 28, 2008

Feelings Suck Sometimes

I'm a little over a year into my recovery and for some reason, I still get shocked at how bad feelings can feel sometimes.

I'll give you a for instance...right now I'm feeling foolish, hurt and a little angry because of a situation that just happened between my husband and myself. The details aren't really important but the way I'm feeling is.

I wish I knew how those who aren't in addiction recovery deal with bad feelings. Do you think of ways to make it stop? Do you realize that it will go away on it's own? Obviously you aren't into numbing your pain right? Or are you and I just think that I'm the only one?

My first thoughts always have to do with making the negative feelings go away by any means necessary. In the old days that would mean numbing myself into oblivion with various pills down my throat and powder up my nose.

Now-a-days my first thoughts still always go to numbing the pain but...I just don't act on those initial thoughts. Usually my thoughts then move on to other ways of making myself feel better.

This time I've chosen to share what I'm feeling with you nice people in hopes that by getting these things out of my head via the keyboard it will give me a little relief. The days of me stuffing my feelings are over right?

My new life of not looking for instant gratification has taught me that even if the bad feelings do not go right away, expressing them is a healthy start.

I can tell you this - taking some time to write down my thoughts and feelings has allowed me to put a little perspective on what my actual feelings are. It's not feeling as bad as it initially felt. I guess this stuff really does work right?

Wow...this was like a sitcom. Everything wrapped up in a nice bow by the end of the episode. Well, thanks so much for watching and be sure to tune in next time. Goodnight.


abbiegrrl said...

Hi, friend;
Yes, sometimes they DO. I suspect--after having been to a mtg tonight in which almost everyone mentioned depression and/or cried!!--that the weather must be taking it's toll on us weary souls. I announced to my Dr. today that the experiment of me weaning off of the anti-depressants has been a dismal failure.(followed by sobs and wailing) Here in the midwest the greyness has GOT to subside soon...
Please God.
So, I'm saying this:
Hang on, it's GOT to get better, just don't quit before the miracle!

Recovery Discovery said...

Keep sharing, Erin. It really does work. (And buy yourself a hallmark card. ;-) )

Catherine said...

Blogging it up has worked for me! I never really gave much thought to my recovery process -my husband is a recovering alcholic and lately I think that my confussion as to where I fit in is due to the changing behavior on his part - its all for the better but still change can be scary. Hang in there and keep on writing and expressing yourself. Cat